Deadpool - Some of you may know me as the Merc with the Mouth. And it’s true…I’m a mouthful. Not to mention, one of the most popular characters in the Marvel Universe these days – not that I’m bragging or anything. OK, I’m totally bragging, but to be fair, I’m also totally awesome. And if you want to know what gets me going in the mornings? Chimichangas! (Mmmmm…chimichangas…)
Cable - Mutant badass anti-hero from the future, my boy Nate, AKA Cable, AKA past-partner in crime, AKA total BFF, is the time-traveling son of Cyclops and Madelyne Pryor (total MILF). Cable likes weapons almost as much as me. He’s seen the future and now he’s all about making the world a better place and stuff… whatever.
Domino - Scientific fact: Only one videogame possesses the capacity for awesomeness large enough to hold both me and Domino – mine. She’s easily the deadliest person named Neena I know. And this is her first major videogame appearance ever. That’s right. I’m her first. In addition to immeasurable hotness, her exceptional markswomanship (never accuse Deadpool of being politically incorrect!) combines with hand-to-hand skills that will totally blow you…away. And then there are those mutant probability-altering powers. She’s lucky. She’s hot. She’s bothered. She’s DTF.
Psylocke - One hot piece of mutant super heroine. Seriously, what an incredible assssss…et to the X-Men. Her history may confuse the hell out of me – she used to fight with, like, psychic butterflies or some crap like that before Marvel was smart enough to put me in comics – but the psychic knives and telekinesis she rocks today totally badass her out. She’s a master martial artist…so I guess she has some skillz. Which are way, way better than skills.
Mister Sinister - As totally evil mega-dweebs go, Mister Sinister is kinda alright. His Super Villain name rhymes, his real last name is Essex (tee hee), and he once totally punk’d Cyclops into mating with a clone of Jean Grey for his own use (that part didn’t happen as planned – whaddup, Cable?). Sinister is Wolverine old (maybe even older) and Beast science-brainy (maybe even science-brainier), always cloning and re-cloning his band of Marauders whenever they croak. He’s all genetically altered and crap, and I think he also knows Apocalypse or something. Okay, I’m bored. Click on somebody else’s bio, already.
Vertigo - They say Vertigo is an “artificially enhanced” mutant – they feel real enough to me, though… Her psionic waves enable her to render a person severely dizzy or even unconscious – lame, but practical if super-villainy is your thing. As one of Sinister’s Marauders, she’s been killed and cloned so many times it’s hard to tell which way is up…’cause she’s Vertigo… See what I did there?
Arclight - This jacked li’l mutant will send shockwaves right through you…literally. I hear that awhile back, she was all, “Imma fight fer Amuricah – eff yeah!” But then she saw some messed-up war stuff and was all, “I’m just gonna use my rage to work out more.” I don’t get it either, but, point is, baby got buff. She’s lifting like 50 tons…not bad for a Phillipa. She leads Sinister’s Marauders with her seismic strength waves and, coincidentally, plays a mean game of patty-cake – learned that the hard way.
Blockbuster - Know the funny thing about Blockbuster? He’s so unkind, yet he still rewinds his VHS tapes. This dude is one mondo mass of muscly mutant. Mikey here Marauds for Sinister and boasts some crazy stamina with serious resistance to physical injury. (Not as much as yours truly, but hey…who does?) He even managed break Thor’s arm once… But then Thunderguy got mad and killed him. My turn.
Death - Ah, that Mistress Death with her dark hood robe gets me every time. She embodies all that I love… destruction, so pure and utter. She resides inside a lovely little pocket dimension called the Realm of Death. I visit sometimes – and I get warm fuzzies just thinking about it. She will be mine. Thanos can suck it.
Summer Blockbusters - Stan’s Rants